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Lloyd wanted to make sure that there are people out there looking at our home page. So, in a fit of wit, he came up with these Irish take-offs on Jeff Foxworthy. Now, even he admits that some are good, some are not. So, he asks that you send us your ideas at claddagh@southwind.net so we can add them to the list. (Yes, we will keep yours separate from his.)

• you drink beer from a longneck bottle because your doctor told you to distance yourself from alcohol.
• you think tea is tint for an aquairium.
• you think St. Patrick's Day is THE major holiday of the year.
• you think singing songs in a strange dialect is a God-given right.
• you believe God created Ireland and the rest happened by accident.
• you think a hangover is just the morning blues.
• you think water is only for fish -- and bathing (occasionally)
• you think God gave the Israelites Guinness in the wilderness.
• you think all beautiful women are Irish.
• you think the Celtics are a ceilidh band.
• you think Boston is in Ireland.
• you think Scotch-Irish is a mixed drink.
• you think the restroom is a place to sleep.
• you think lite beer is a punishment.
• you think whiskey punch is a sporting event at the pub.
• you think a deaf and dumb, tall, statuesque sex goddess that owns a brewery is the perfect mate.
• you think the blind staggers is a good substitute for jogging.
• you think a liquid diet is to consume nothing but poteen.
• you think English is a foreign language.
• you think England is the place your condemned to if you're bad.
• you think Dublin is the world capital.
• you think Tipper Gore is a bloody drumstick.
• you think a sober Irishman is friendless -- or broke -- or dead.
• you think the two-step dance is a result of eating Mexican food.
• you give an empty Bushmills bottle a wake.
• you see leprecauns after the pub closes -- always twins.
• the guard says "How many fingers am I holding up?" and you say "All of 'em."
• you know what St. Stephen's Day is.
• you think a street light pole is a prosthetic device to help you stand up.
• you think that New Year's resolutions are fine -- for that night!
• you think God gave the Irish whisky to keep them from taking over the world.
• you believe that: